Oh, GOD. This guy was all the news when we were in England a few years ago:

David Blaine begins another idiotic and unfortunately fruitless attempt to die getting our attention.

Blaine entered the “bubble” wearing trousers, rubber shoes and a special diving mask.

Please hold your “boy in the bubble jokes” until the end of the post. He will be fed with a special tube. Please, God, let his air feed and his feed feed get mixed up. Or let the guy in charge of the venting or valves or what not get fed up.

During the seven-day challenge the water temperature will be maintained at around 36C and he will be able to control his own core body temperature by wearing specially designed wetsuits.

That’ll be easy to get into, since 1 day in the water will turn him into a human prune. Remember, he’s an illusionist: when they draw curtains so he can “change in privacy,” he pop out for a quick one. So far, though, he’s wearing ordinary trousers. The “special wetsuits” are going to have some sort of gimmick, I bet.

He has also undergone intensive training for the challenge, shedding 50lbs (23kg) in body weight since January to improve the efficiency with which his body uses oxygen.

No, he’s just worried the spherical acrylic tank will maagnify his every little flaw. If he weren’t wearing a mask, he’d be asking tourist after tourist “Does this make me look fat?”

“I feel pretty good. Though I’ve been sleeping very little and breath-holding non-stop,” Blaine said.

Please, go on doing that non-stop breath-holding thing. We’re sure it’ll help.

“My system is completely empty and I did that so there’s no waste. That way in the sphere I don’t have to use the bathroom.”

Now there’s a mental image that’s not gonna come out of the old frontal lobes without a lot of bleach and tequila.

I’m going to bed now. I’m sure the Internets are bad for me.