Miss Alli checks in with her recaplet of the TAR8 premiere… you know, the one that I called an “interminable crawl to the Pit Stop.”

The overnight opinions on TWOP are still mixed but not terribly enthusiastic, with some exceptions. Almost everyone thinks Godly Ma Weaver getting run over by an Amish buggy was a highlight, along with the appearance of our beloved Kevin and Drew. Who’re fine, by the way – Kevin’s already checked in at TWOP and gotten his post edited because he committed the sin of adding a signature (signed posts are frowned on there). So Miss Alli’s changed his .sig to “Mr Anonymous,” and at least on the boards we’re off to a good start. He confirmed that indeed, the only Racer to recognize our shiny gentlemen was the younger Paolo son, which was the clan’s ONLY redeeming moment all evening.

Despite the horrifically twee episode title, it’s really not a bad kickoff for a season that can’t really help but be quite different from what we’ve seen before. We’re hanging around in our very own country this time, and as you probably already know, we’re looking at family teams of four rather than the usual teams of two. Also, nobody’s ever been eight before.

At any rate, the race kicks off with a harrowing drive around Manhattan, which: yikes, and then there is boating and tenting and, best of all, lots and lots and lots of driving and navigating with maps. You’d almost think it was a show where you had to race around and try to get yourself from one place to another. About half of the ten teams make a strong impression in the first episode, including the rude and nasty Paolos, the moppet-toting Gaghans, the pink and giggling Godlewskis, the obnoxious Linzes, and the adorable Blacks, whose sons are just about the cutest thing ever. In a tense finish, the aforementioned obnoxious Linzes squeeze out the adorable Blacks, which I am very sad about in every respect other than the unbelievably uncomfortable sentences that result from featuring an African-American family called “the Blacks.” Because I did not need to do that all season. But I miss them already, and the Linzes are like an explosion of That Guy genetics gone horribly awry — well, more awry — and it’s just sad. Boooo! But I have to tell you, my very favorite part of the episode was where they brought in famous former racers Kevin and Drew, and nobody until the very last team had the first clue who they were. Now that is comedy. That’s going on my personal highlight reel.

Yep, like I said: the Linzes are like a disturbingly inbred cheerleading squad. Still, they are funny when they’re not being obnoxious, so they’ll probably be considered more amusing and less annoying in coming weeks.