If You Thought Seven Dwarves Were Tough To Remember

((deep, raspy Movie Guy voice))

In a world where evil trolls lie in wait, thirsting for blood, and cruel goblins lurk deep under the middle-Earth, a great treasure lies at the end of an arduous journey…guarded by… a dragon.

They are not heroes… they are not mighty warriors. They are refugees on a quest to reclaim their golden birthright. But they've got a problem…  thirteen of them. Bad luck. 

They're about to change their luck… by taking on one more traveler, who has no idea what fate awaits him… right after a wild, crazy, and quite unexpected party. Underground.

Tom Cruise, in the role he was born to play… on a mission more impossible, a riskier business, than ever. He's the maverick, swashbuckling, barrel-riding thief who's out to grab for the golden Ring. Tom Cruise… isBilbo Baggins.

 

Thirteen Dwarves

[tags]The Hobbit, Peter Jackson, Hollywood, Dreck[/tags]

BeerFest: Probably A Perfectly Dreadful Movie

I was checking local movie listings just now, and spotted a potential Perfectly Dreadful Movie contendah. Anything I find bwah-worthy (possibly spit-takeworthy) will be in bold:

 

Beerfest – Movie Details – Yahoo! Movies

 

When American brothers Todd and Jan Wolfhouse travel to Germany to spread their grandfather’s ashes at Oktoberfest, they stumble upon a super-secret, centuries old, underground beer games competition–“Beerfest,” the secret Olympics of beer drinking. The brothers receive a less than warm welcome from their German cousins, the Von Wolfhausens (because evil German cousins are always the Von Somethings), who humiliate Todd and Jan, slander their relatives, and finally cast them out of
the event. Vowing to return in a year to defend their country and their family’s honor, the Wolfhouse boys assemble a ragtag dream team of beer drinkers and gamers: Barry (“Otter”) Badrinath, the consummate skills player with a dark past; Phil Krundle (aka Landfill) ((aka “Bluto”)), a one-man chugging machine; and Charlie “Fink” (“D-Day”) Finklestein, the lab tech with a PhD in ‘All Things Beer’. This Magnificent Five train relentlessly, using their hearts, minds
and livers to drink faster, smarter and harder than they ever have before. (Toga! To-ga! TO-GA!) But first they must battle their own demons–as well as a bunch of big, blond, German jerks ((aka the Doug Neidermeier and the rest of the “Hilter Youth”)) who want to destroy the team before they can even make it back to Munich.

 

Also Known As:

Beer Fest

Production Status: Released

Logline: Two brothers go to Oktoberfest in Germany and stumble upon a super-secret centuries-old competition with beer games. After the brothers are dealt a humiliating defeat, they return to the U.S. and assemble a group of all-star beer drinkers.

Genres: (ALLEGEDLY) Comedy

Running Time: 1 hr. 50 min.

Release Date: August 25th, 2006 (wide – see “U.S. Box Office”)

MPAA Rating: R for pervasive crude and sexual content, language, nudity and substance abuse.

Distributors:

Warner Bros. Pictures Distribution

Production Co.:

Gerber Pictures, Cataland Films, Broken Lizard Films, Legendary Pictures, Inc.

Studios:

Warner Bros. Pictures, Inc.

U.S. Box Office: $7,031,228

Filming Locations:

New Mexico, USA (Vot? No Chermany?)

Produced in: United States

 

Syriana

Syriana (Widescreen Edition)

David and I tried a couple of times to see Syriana – both times we weren’t able to get tickets and left rather than wait around for the next show. Then, we ended up missing it because it wasn’t playing the next time we felt like seeing a movie. I think we’ll end up renting it – we haven’t gotten into Netflix yet, so Blockbuster is fine for now.

Moolti-pass Flicks: Can’t Hardly Wait

There are some movies that you see once in the theaters and forget. There are other movies that you see once in the theaters, forget, and watch once more when it comes to cable. And then you forget it again. There’s a third class of movies that you saw multiple times in theaters, bought the DVDs, and yet you STILL watch them when they show up on cable – this latter class includes the Lord of the Rings movies, the Harry Potter movies, and so on. One other type of movie seen in first run is the kind where you can’t quite bring yourself to buy the DVD, or it’s never come out in DVD format, but you’ll watch it every single time it shows up on TiVo. Such movies as “The Fifth Element” fall into this category (which is where I got the “moolti-pass” joke.)

And then there are some movies that you never saw in first run, but when they show up in the cable rotation, you watched out of idle curiousity. Suddenly, you’re hooked, and you will happily watch them over and over again, because for some mysterious reason, you absolutely love them and can’t think why you didn’t see them in the theater.

Such a movie is “Can’t Hardly Wait,” a movie made in 1998. In some ways, it’s the “American Graffiti” of its generation, but with better dialogue (remember who wrote AG? I rest my case).

The characters are pretty stock, but the cast is good.

Also, the background action is sometimes pretty funny, but there’s no explanation. Why does that weedy little teen keep showing up and stealing stuff right from under everyone’s noses? At one point, he boosts a patrol car. No one notices this.

Preston? Pre-STONE! I can watch this movie over, and over, and over. Why? I’m always spotting something I didn’t notice before, like the fact that the actor playing the hippy guy that licks a brownie off of Denise’s face is an alum of “Six Feet Under,” as is the actress that plays Denise. There are 3 pretty well-known actors in the “uncredited” section – Jenna Elfman, Melissa Joan Hart, and Jerry O’Connell, not to mention several more like Liv Tyler who did voiceovers.

Like I say, it’s like American Graffiti, but much more contemporary, since it contains a fairly decent re-creation of the lightsaber duel between Luke and Darth Vader, with flashlights.

Good Night, and Good Luck

I’m currently listening to Harry Shearer’s Le Show. David doesn’t care for this show, but like it when I happen to hear it. I was in the mood for a little political commentary, satire, and humor after just seeing “Good Night, and Good Luck.”

As we left the theater tonight, I remarked that cigarette smoke was like another character in the movie. After checking the official website for the movie, I see that cigarette smoke is about the only thing moving on the splash screen after the intro.

And now ::yawn:: good night. Good luck too, I suppose.

Highlander…3 More Times?

Highlander: The Source, envisioned as the first of three new films in the popular supernatural franchise, will shoot in Lithuania starting in October, according to an announcement by Davis-Panzer Productions, Sequence Films and Grosvenor Park. Brett Leonard (Lawnmower Man) will direct, with Adrian Paul playing the immortal Scottish swordsman Duncan MacLeod.

Okay, I’m a Highlander fan. I own three (3) little tchotchkes shaped like the famous dragon-head katana: a necklace, a pen, and a rather cool if I do say so letter opener. I’ve blogged before about my HL fan-past. And the word among fans has been going around about this next movie for a while, so this news is not news to me.

And my gut reaction: is an almighty “meh.” I’m just not sure we need to watch this franchise die a slow and painful death (repeatedly, if the 3-movie deal is real).

Yes, I’ll see it, just out of curiousity, but I’ve got a bad feeling about it. My husband David will probably have to be lured with promises of being hand-fed Twizzlers during the show, and at least one damn fine beer at Brass brewpub after.

Although… well, Lawnmower Man was a pretty cool movie, with one pretty cool quote: “I am God here.” David uses that line every time he has to do something moderatorish on one of his mailing lists. So we’ll see how the new guy does with the canon.

First Things Last

Everybody has to start somewhere. The fact that the beginning will become the end makes it difficult to start; not sure why. But I need to make sense of things by getting them out there, and "out there" they shall be in more ways than three.

Today's top story: Saddam to appear on the US version of "What Not To Wear." Before and after photos abound, and a disoriented and confused Saddam is told "Never wear a spider hole with that mustache – to balance out the bushiness, hie your heiney into a fully equipped underground missile silo." Tears ensue when Saddam reveals to the diary-camera that he looked "Bushy" in the 360-degree interrogation room.

Note – the British version would install him in a Cabinet War Room instead, with a bathtub and cigar to complete the look. More later. Just a few more days until seeing "Return of the King."