How To Survive An Attack By a Polar Bear With An Ice Pick And A Can Of Peas:
If attacked by a polar bear, run away while simultaneously hacking open the can of peas with the ice pick. Then use the pick to chop a hole in the ice, and quickly arrange the peas in a single line around the edge of the hole.
Polar bears are curious, and he will be intrigued. When the polar bear stops to take a pea, let him have it with the ice pick (no need to kick him in the icehole, he’s quite dead).
Congratulations, you have survived! You may safely return to civilization.
However, don’t forget to pack your trash out, so take the empty can with you.
