I made up a new playlist for myself in iTunes to try to help get my head screwed on straight after all that’s happened this week, Emotion is exhausting; so is grief, and so is dwelling on crap from the past (this is not all about Mom’s passing, but all the other issues and hurts that get fluffed up and revisited.Stuff between different people, from long ago.
I hope some good comes of all of the crap I pulled on various family members. I’m the emotional one and it was hard to keep my junk dialled back. It was really better that I had all that time alone in the house, because nobody needed to be around me while I re-arranged things to try to make the house look more normal after the end of each day of sorting, tossing, and packing. Timmy and I spent the most time in the house, and the others were there as they were able. The first few days were the hardest, because
we were trying to clean as well as make a start on clearing out the things that most needed to go first: Mom’s clothes. Stuff that smelled of her. Perishable food from the fridge that was there from when I last visited several weeks ago. Ehhhh.
I had a similar playlist called “Music for Moms,” but that was before, for Mom.This is now, for me.
And so the first song on the playlist, probably not by accident, is “Walk On.” It was sorted backwards by song alphabetically, and that was the first one that “fit” my idea for “C’Mon, Get Happy.” Another one is ‘Teach Your Children,” because it always reminded me of Ghibran’s “On Children” that was one of the readings for the party. And oh, yes, “Starry Starry Night,” because Mom loved that song and had a Don MacLean cassette tape. And now that I’m home at last, I’m in a “Hallelujah” mood (music at least,
if not the words, which are actually kind of sad).
Next on the agenda: getting back on my feet and moving forward. Stuff to be done. Walk on.
“You’re packin’ a suitcase for a place none of us has been..” oh, yeah.
“Weathered faces, lined in pain, are soothed beneath the artist’s loving hands…” oh, hell yeah.
iTunes: U2: Walk On: All That You Can’t Leave Behind [4:56]
iTunes: Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young: Teach Your Children: DÃ©jÃ Vu [2:54]
iTunes: Jeff Buckley: Hallelujah (Live): Live at Sin-Ã© (Legacy Edition) [9:15]