The local suburban paper/news site apparently has a little fun with the police log – they publish a “best of” column they like to call “Suburboddity.”

Here’s the most recent one, found when I was checking for local news after a big storm in the area.

Updated 8/4: Suburboddity :: Latest News :: PIONEER PRESS ::

Mental cruelty for a high tech age

BUFFALO GROVE, July 31 — At 3 p.m. a resident of Chaucer Way told she had been upset with her husband, so she disabled and put away the TV, DVD player and the DVDs. When she returned home, she found that damage had been done to the floors and walls. The husband then went out of town. The resident said she was reporting the incident in case of future divorce litigation.
Pondering mysterious wheelchair

BUFFALO GROVE, July 31 — A resident of the 1500 block of Johnson Drive at 8:30 a.m. reported a wheelchair, tilted on its side, near the pond on the south side of the road. Police and fire personnel checked the area and located no wheelchair. They did find fresh bread left for the ducks. A thorough investigation determined that there was no incident.
Best reason yet for seat covers

WINNETKA, July 30 — A resident reported seeing an adult male driving naked in a red Honda Accord at 2:30 p.m. at the 900 block of Sheridan Road.
Ramblin’ man born to wander

ELMHURST, July 28 — A 6-year-old child was found at 11:28 a.m. at St. Charles Road and Route 83. He was riding a Big Wheel and had coins in his mouth. The boy told police his mother was at home; his father was at work; and he was going to the park. He was taken to his home about two miles away. His mother said he was supposed to go to the candy store down the street, and he knew he wasn’t supposed to travel far. DCFS was notified and was to respond within 24 hours to document inadequate supervision.
Unable to slip security

BUFFALO GROVE, July 23 — Kenneth Watson, 48, of 2610 Windsor Apt. 201, Arlington Heights, was arrested at 6:17 p.m. at Dominick’s, 770 S. Buffalo Grove Road, and charged with retail theft. Watson reportedly attempted to steal a bottle of KY Intrigue personal lubricant, valued at $21.59. He is scheduled to appear in court Aug. 13.
OK if you’re a Greek statue

ELMHURST, July 26 — A woman reported that at 2:45 a.m. she saw a young, white male standing on her property completely naked. She assumed he was getting out of or about to jump into her swimming pool. The suspect fled, leaving his clothes, wallet and cell phone in a pile on the ground. Police spoke with the offender and his mother at his home. His property was placed into evidence to be held for further investigation.
Somewhere, it’s prom time for thieves

FOX RIVER GROVE, July 26 — A $300 woman’s dress, one pair of $250 women’s dress shoes, $1,000 in Chanel cosmetics and two dental retainers worth $500 each were stolen from a vehicle on the 200 block of Lexington Road.

BARRINGTON, July 25 — A dry-cleaned suit valued at $800 was missing from a porch of a home on the 100 block of Old Sutton Road.
Vandalism from the Food Channel

LA GRANGE, July 23 — A house was reported egged at 8:32 a.m. on the 1000 block of South Catherine Avenue. A garage also was pelted with a tomato, and a car was hit with cookie dough.

LA GRANGE, July 22 — A house was reported hit with chocolate pudding at 10:09 p.m. on the 1000 block of South Spring Road.
Missed signs to astrology doctor

BUFFALO GROVE, July 23 — A resident near Fremont Way and Providence Lane at 7:40 p.m. reported a suspicious person. An officer found the subject sitting by a pond, staring into the water. The subject said he had an appointment with a doctor who resides in the area, but could not find the address. Officers went to the address and confirmed the appointment, with a doctor of astrology and ayurveda and dropped the subject off.
Plot for a trashy movie

OAKBROOK TERRACE, July 23 — James C. Biskup, 50, 160 Hawthorne Ave., Elmhurst, was arrested at 18W100 22nd Street and charged with public indecency for masturbating near a dumpster at 5:07 p.m.
Only corn will wear tassels

ROLLING MEADOWS, July 21 — The pastor at Community Church, 2720 Kirchoff Road, reported that between July 20 and 21, someone spray-painted over the letter “C” on the church’s Corn Fest banner, replacing it with the letter “P.”
From the thief-earns-bad-karma file

ELK GROVE VILLAGE, July 15 – Two white, galvanized steel donation bins for the Cancer Free America Foundation, valued at a total of $1,600, were taken from the Wal-Mart parking lot at 801 Meacham Road between 1 p.m. July 11 and 1 p.m. July 15.